Teen Abortion Issues

When I was just 15 I found out that I was expecting a baby. I didn’t know whether to have my baby or kill it. I was scared out of my mind.

Sometimes I think that I can’t live with this regret and the decision I made.

I am a 19-year-old college sophmore, and I recently just had my abortion. I am truly sorry because I had to choose between my 4-year scholarship and a child. I know I regret doing it, but I know I would not want to bring a chold into this world and leave it.

I pray every day for my child and that it will find some way to forgive me. But it was choice that I made personally.

June 16, 2000, is a day that I will NEVER forget. You see, that is the day I killed my baby. I was 18 when I killed my baby.

I missed my period and had nausea and abdominal pains. I decided to take a pregnancy test, and it confirmed positive. I cried and told my boyfriend, aged 22, about it. He suggested an adoption, but when I told my parents that I was pregnant and wanted to have an adoption, my father got angry and my mom, as angry as a tiger that hadn’t eaten, said, “You’re going to have an abortion and that’s that. No questions asked.” I cried and told my boyfriend and he cried along too, because he is a devout Catholic and did not support abortion. He felt that my baby should be born, and would be sent to adoption. However, my mum made an appointment for an abortion. At June 16, my mum and I went to the hospital and I had an abortion.

After the abortion, I always cried and had flashbacks about how I killed my baby. My boyfriend was sad too. I tried to commit suicide but found that mum, too worried of me committing suicide, took away all the deadly things from my room. I had depression for many months, and it took me 6 years to recover. I always prayed for God to forgive me.

Now I am 24 years old and I am married to my boyfriend and we have a beautiful little girl, Anna, aged 3 years old. However, the baby that I had aborted will always be in my heart next to Anna. I am sorry baby……

My first visit at Planned Parenthood was a couple of days before Thanksgiving. I was told they could not give me an ultrasound because I may not be far along enough to have an abortion, so I needed to come back in a couple of weeks. I went back on January 7th, a great way to start off the New Year, right?

I cannot explain to you the fear that I had at that time. I was afraid that I would not be able to go through with the abortion; and I was afraid of having the abortion, if that makes any sense. But, I put all of my fears aside and I walked into one of the most uncomfortable places in the world, Planned Parenthood. They took me back into a room and asked me basic questions.

Then I received an ultrasound. I asked to see the image on the screen, but she said they usually do not show the screen to clients, so I never saw what she saw on the screen. She printed some images out and gave them to me. I started to cry hysterically and wanted to run out of their half-naked. The women who gave me the ultrasound attempted to comfort me by telling me that it was not yet a baby and it was just “a ball of grey cells” that it had not yet formed any features or a body.

I looked at her and told her i could not have an abortion that day and asked if it would be ok if i re-scheduled so I could have some more time to think about it.

I now realize that I wanted more time with my baby, knowing that I did not want to kill it; but at the same time I felt stuck. I already have three children to take care of and I really felt I had no other option.

She looked at me and said, “I guess, but the sooner you do it, the better;” and then she just stood there waiting for my answer. I asked her if she could leave the room so I could discuss this with my boyfriend. I pretty much just cried and decided I would come back another day.

I scheduled the next appointment for the next Tuesday. I received all of the information about the non-surgical abortion (the abortion pill) and was once again told I would just pass blood clots with heavy bleeding until I pass the “pregnancy tissue.”

I was given a pill to swallow at the clinic and was given a bunch of pills I needed to take at home to continue the process of the non-surgical abortion. They also warned me that if I did decide to keep this baby, it would probably be deformed because of the pill I had just taken in their office. So, I was sent out of Planned Parenthood with a bunch of pills and a “good luck”!

At home I followed the steps like they told me. At about 6:30 pm I stuck four pills on my gums and waited for them to melt, and by 7:00 pm they were completely melted. A couple of minutes after 7:00 pm I felt a strange pop inside my body, and I started spotting. Afterward I endured four hours of very painful labor and felt another pop inside, as well as a ripping feeling inside of me. Twenty minutes later, I began to feel a very familiar pressure; it was the same pressure I had felt right before giving birth to my three other children.

I went and sat on my toilet expecting to pass a couple of blood clots and be done, but that is not what happened at all. After sitting on the toilet for a minute, I felt a solid object pass from me and into the toilet. I got up and looked into the toilet; and to my horror, I saw a fully formed baby about two inches long. This was not “pregnancy tissue” or blood clots or ”a grey ball of cells.” This was a baby, a tiny helpless baby with little fingers, toes and a face.

I flipped out and started crying and screaming in pain. I could not breath. I felt like my heart had just been ripped out of me. My mind was all over the place, and I did not know what to do. I was so confused. I wanted to take the baby out of the toilet and rush him/her to the nearest hospital, but I was sure people would think I was crazy. I sat there thinking this has to be a dream, wishing I could just rewind the past two days and have my baby back in me where it was warm and safe not cold, scared and alone.

I flushed the toilet and flushed my baby, my son, my daughter, my child. I cannot tell you the emptiness I feel. The regret, the hate, the guilt. I really would do anything to have my baby back inside of me and not floating in a sewer like trash. I called Planned Parenthood to tell them about what happened and to inform them I was obviously a lot further along than they told me. The women said, “Sorry, I can’t help you,” and hung up. I had semi-complications, including almost having to have a d & c to remove things that had not come out. I can’t tell you the pain I’m in now. I can’t sleep. I have been getting anxious for no reason, and I can’t stop crying.

I was 18 turning 19 and had been with my boyfriend for almost three years. I knew it was his, and we were both so young. All I could see was my whole life in front of me, all the traveling and experiences I wanted to have. At the time, my boyfriend didn’t say much; but we talked about it and decided abortion was the best thing to do for everyone and that at that time it was not a good time to bring a baby into the world. I later found out that he thought it wasn’t his because he is sterile. I never knew this and didn’t take him seriously. I thought he was saying this to try and see if I’d admit I had cheated. But I did not do any such thing. It was his; and to this day he doesn’t believe me, which kills me inside for so many reasons. I feel like I didn’t think it through enough; like I was so much in a daze and in shock from the news of being pregnant that I was not thinking clearly.

I think about it every day, and it kills me even more to think I didn’t have his miracle baby. I chose to abort it instead. I could have done something wonderful for him…to this day he still doesn’t believe it was his because for his whole life he’s been told he is sterile, but I know it was his because I hadn’t messed around with anyone for two years. Sometimes I let him believe that I did cheat because that pain might be less than what the truth is.

All in all, think before you do. I mean, REALLY think. People say there is no emotional feelings after, but there are. No matter what your circumstance is, I don’t think anyone can help to think, “What if?” I cry, and he asks me what I’m crying about, and I tell him, but he doesn’t know what is really eating me inside, and that is the carelessnes, selfishness and sadness I feel all the time for the horrible decision I made.

I was 18 when I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited. Then I told my boyfriend, and my whole life turned around. l never thought he would say the things he said to me. He told me, “You’re not ready to be a mother because you aren’t graduated from highscool, you don’t have a job, and you don’t even have a license. If you don’t have an abortion I’m gonna have to break up with you.” He handed me a five hundred dollar check and then left for the military the next day.

I was left alone to make the biggest decision of my life. I always wanted my baby, but with no support I didn’t think I could do it. So on March 6, 2007 I went to the clinic to get an abortion. As I was waiting in the waiting room, I read something I will never forget. I read another girls story that stated, “My baby’s going to heaven now.” I thought to myself, “I don’t want my baby to go to heaven yet. I want my baby right here with me.” Then they called my name. I cried so hard they couldn’t go through with the normal procedure. So at three months pregnant they gave me the abortion pills which you aren’t supposed to take past 9 weeks. Two days later I lost my baby and I almost lost my own life.

That was three years ago, and till this day I don’t go a day without thinking of my baby. I pray every night that someday God will let me go to heaven to meet my baby. As for my boyfriend, I broke up with him a couple weeks later because I couldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone who had that little belief in me. So this is my story, and I hope I can stop someone else out there from doing something they don’t want to do.

It was supposed to be the start of my own life, a new begining. It was one week before I was to begin my freshman year of college, only problem was I had just found out a few weeks prior I was about 2 months pregnant. Scared, confused, and completely unsure what to do, I finally got enough courage to tell my boyfriend of 2 years. I was terrified and did not know how to tell him? I never got the chance to tell him that day. Thing is, out of nowhere he broke up with me. I just thought what am I to do? I’m only 18 years old and starting college in less than 7 days. I went about a week before finally breaking down and telling him. The only thing he thought was, I’m 17, I’m a senior in high school, I can’t have a kid, I’m still a kid myself, I have my whole life ahead of me, I’m not going to throw my whole life away for this little mistake, my parents will kill me, I just can’t, you have to get rid of it.  Never did he take into consideration how I was feeling or supported me on what I wanted to do.

I wanted to keep the baby. I knew it would be hard, but I was sure my parents would help and support me. For a really long time I just thought to myself this cannot be happening and tried to pretend it was not true. So throughout the first month of college I hid the truth and went on with my life while being a full time student and playing volleyball. Any time I was to talk to the father of the child we would just fight and argue over the fact he didn’t want me to have the child and I was still unsure. To be honest I thought maybe I would lose the baby. I battled with anorexia throughout the past 3 years. For awhile I tried to be unhealthy by barely eating, being completely stressed out over being a full time student, as well as playing a college sport and all the physical work. I couldn’t tell my parents, and I couldn’t tell my friends. I kept it bottled up trying to hide everything. The only person I had to talk to was the father, and all he did was try to convince me to get rid of the baby, telling me it was my only choice and that I was ruining his future and mine. He said even adoption was out of the question, there was no way I was having the baby.

I was three months along, and one day I broke down and realized abortion was the only way out of it. After having my ex convince me it was the only way out, I figured he could at least go with me and support me since he would never have done that if I chose to keep the child. It was a long agonizing two hour drive that I had to take by myself. He wouldn’t go with me, and no one else would possibly understand. Once I got there I completely broke down and couldn’t go through with it. I chickened out.

After I told my ex I chickened out, he was furious, never even once tried to console me or help me through any of it. Another month went by. Scared and alone, I realized that I was getting bigger and people would soon catch on. All I did was cry and I downright hated myself. All these things happening, four months along, and no one to help me, and I would turn to my ex, and late one night he convinced me that that was the only way. He manipulated me into having an abortion.

Once again I took the two hour long drive alone. I never felt so much guilt and hate afterwards. I cried all the way home and for once my ex was there for me and just held me while I cried and cried. I have never forgotten that day, it’s been about 3 months and I still can’t live with myself. I felt even worse as time went on. My friends knew something was wrong and begged for me to tell them the truth. I finally told them, and they were extremely supportive of me, and they wished that I would have told them before because they would have helped me and supported me through anything.

I wish I could go back and do things over and not have had the abortion or at least talked to my friends and not listened to the father of the child’s lies and manipulation. It wasn’t his choice to make; it was mine, and I made the wrong decision. Don’t let others decide for you, trust you heart. Anything is possible if you give it a chance.

I found out I was pregnant the day after my birthday. I had a feeling I was pregnant but was in total denial. I finally convinced myself to take a test, and it took me awhile to even look at the result. After I saw it was positive I broke down. Everything ran through my head all at once, and I just kept thinking to myself, “This can not be happening to me.”

I was a full time student and on scholarship for athletics. As terrified as I was, I knew in my heart that I wanted to keep my baby. My mom and I are very close, but I knew this news would shatter her heart. My parents always try to give me the best life I could have, and I knew a baby was not in their plans for me while I was still in school.

After I told my mom she told told me that everyone makes mistakes and that she didn’t love me any less but that I know what I have to do. I told her I didn’t know what I wanted to do; and she talked to me about how it would ruin my life, how we wouldn’t have insurance or the money to afford this baby, and that it’s not the life she wanted for me. I felt guilty and terribly scared. I didn’t want to be a disappointment. She left me alone, and when she came back she told me she had already booked me an appointment and a women’s health clinic just for a pregnancy test to make sure.

I’ve never been so scared before in my entire life…It was horrible. I took a test, got an ultrasound, and soon found myself sitting with a counselor. After my mom came in with me she said we weren’t leaving until I decided to terminate. I was so out of it I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I felt like I was dreaming and sleepwalking through this whole thing. I ended up taking the abortion pill, and all I could do was cry. I wish now that I had the strength to stand up to my mother and tell her what I wanted.

I thought as soon as it was over I would be able to get on with my life. But there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t miss my baby. I wish I could take it back so bad. I wake up in the middle of the night hearing a crying baby…and I realize nothing’s there. Girls, an abortion is not just an Easy way to fix your problem. It’s EXTREMELY Emotional and hurts for a very long time, if not forever. It’s been five months since my abortion, and I feel like a part of me died when my baby did…It makes me so sick to my stomach to think that I KILLED MY BABY.

Please never let anyone else tell you what’s the best choice for you. When you have to make it work you can always find a way. YOU’RE the one that’s going to have to live with the decision you make. Stay Strong.

It was the beginning of Oct. when I found I was pregnant. I was 5 weeks along, and the first thought I had in my head was what am I going to do…I’m only 18 and my mom is already kicking me out of the house. So the only solution I saw was abortion. The word got out I was pregnant. I thought my friend could keep a secret, but I was wrong, so I had to tell the baby’s dad who was my ex. He seemed very supportive, and we both made the decision to for sure have the abortion. But as 2 weeks went by I starting having second thoughts, but silly me listened to my ex to continue with it because he kept crying and I saw that it would ruin his life and change mine forever. He was very persuasive in making me believe that he truly loved me.

So on Nov. 5, 2008, I had the abortion. Before the “surgery,” as I tell people happened, I asked to see the ultrasound, and right then the doctor told me that I could walk out of the room and not have to go through with it. In my head all thoughts were of my parents hating me, my ex crying and saying I ruined his life, and loosing my job that I needed desperately. I looked at the doctor crying saying I had to do this. 

With my luck the drug they gave me to ease the pain failed, so I felt every tear, rip, cut, and pull they did. It was the most horrific and traumatizing thing a child my age should ever have to go through. But it was not over yet. My boyfriend picked me up from the clinic and was being as sweet as could be. He tucked me into bed, and then broke up with me the next day.

It’s been a year and 4 months since then. I have regrets every day, and I still catch myself touching my stomach randomly and wishing I could go back in time and do it all over and stand up to people and made it work, but its to late now. So in conclusion I just want to say don’t do it unless you’re 100 percent sure or you’ll end up regretting every day for the rest of your life that you could have held your first baby and watched it grow into a little person.

I was 20 days late when I finally took a pregnancy test on January 5th 2010. It came out positive, and I was actually really happy when I found out. My friends were freaking out, but I was excited! I called my boyfriend at the time right away to tell him, but he acted like he didn’t care and wanted a DNA test at first but eventually came around. He knew for a fact it was his and was excited also. He said no matter what he would be there for me and the baby and try to find a job. 3 days later I told my mom I was pregnant. She told our whole family, and everybody was pressuring me to have an abortion. I didn’t care I wanted to keep my baby. I had a feeling it was gonna be a girl.

My parents got violent and threatened to kick me out. My grades started dropping, and I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. Everything seemed to be going wrong, and after I found out my boyfriend was cheating I caved in to my parents and went through with the abortion. I saw my baby before the abortion and had so many regrets. I really wanted my baby. I even had a name picked out and knew the due date. It’s been 2 weeks since my abortion, and I wish every day that I could take back what I did. I love kids, and I was excited to be having my first baby. I knew I could’ve done it and been a great mom, but now I have to live with my wrong decision for the rest of my life.