I didn’t have just one abortion, I had two.  Both times I fell into a trap with a man that didn’t love me, but loved my body.  That is until there was a baby inside of it.  I was 16 the first time, and my dad pushed me hard to get it.  He offered to pay and told me that he refused to have another child in his house, even my own.  After it was all said and done, I was crushed; and my own father made me work to pay him back all the cash, even though I didn’t want to do it in the first place. 

The second time was a year later, I drank everyday at 17, and did a lot of drugs.  The guy I was with had another girl; and when I found out I was pregnant, I told him and he laughed in my face.  He said we were two different people and two different colors.  His parents didn’t believe in interracial relationships, and so this 17-year-old mixed girl was left alone again.  I was so stressed, and I started to bleed, so I agreed to go through it again.

Now I dream of twins, and I dream of fire.. I feel like I’m trapped in my own body and I’m slowly burning to death.  I drink a whole bottle of alcohol everyday, and I don’t sleep but maybe 4 hours a night. I’m 18 now…its been 8 months for me, and I feel like it was yesterday.  God forgive me, for I have sinned.  Not once, but twice.  Is there even forgiveness for that?

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