My name is Chelsey, and I had an abortion on July 28 of this year. I was 11.5 weeks pregnant. I wanted to change my mind. I wanted to hold my baby 6 months from then, but under the circumstances I could not. Neither my boyfriend nor I could afford to properly take care of the baby, and neither of us had health insurance.
I cannot explain how depressed I was going in for my first attempt. I was told I was too far along to see the doctor working that day. I had to come back the next day. I did, and that was not only the worst physical pain I have ever been in, but the worst emotional downpour as well.
To this day I am depressed. I look up the week-by-week progression for pregnancies online and cry and well up at every baby book I pass. I could have found out the sex that next week. I would never make that decision again. It is not worth the emotional turmoil and the depression I am stuck in now.
I killed my baby…not just mine…but I killed the baby of a man I love more than anything in this world. I will never forgive myself. I cried every time I was alone for 6 days straight. Now I cannot seem to get out of this emotional slump that nothing matters any more.
So, to my sweet baby in heaven, I love you, I miss you, and I am forever sorry. The day I can smile again is the day I will meet you face to face. You are forever in my heart.