I was 16 years old when I became pregnant. My boyfriend was very upset when I told him, and within 24 hours he was threatening suicide if I were to keep the baby, but that was not what made up my mind. After telling my parents, they compiled a large amount of information regarding where abortions were performed and the risks involved. They never told me that I had to, but they stated outright that they thought that was the best decision for me.
I was young and stupid and made the choice to abort solely based on what these people were telling me. However, it was my choice all the way; and I am the one that lives with the effects of it.
The following six months after my abortion were the most unbearable of my life. I cried constantly; but the thing that I wanted the most was to have my baby back inside me, growing and moving. After the sharp intense pain came the dull numbness that I felt. Over the next few years I experienced drug abuse, anxiety, and became involved in self mutilation, more commonly referred to as “cutting.”
It has been four years since the day of my abortion, and the pain is not the same sharp stabbing feeling as it was before, but it’s never completely gone.
After reading about other girls’ experiences with abortion and the way they felt after, it seems that the majority have a strong sense of connection to the child that they aborted; and that’s because you realize that you are a mother and your child is dead; and that guilt and pain is very overwhelming.
If I were to give any advice to girls or women that are considering abortion, I would say that for me personally it was the worst decision of my life; and not a day has gone by that I have not thought about my baby. An abortion is not just a quick procedure that will send you right back to your old life. You are going to feel different afterwords; and you should think very hard about the choice you make because you may be scared, very scared at the idea of raising a child, especially if you’re going to be in a position where you do it alone. But there is help out there. You won’t be in the lap of luxury; but you will be fine; and if someone had told me this, I would never have felt like I was alone and couldn’t do it. You can.
I am 20 now and I have a beautiful daughter. She is the love of my life, and I thank God for her every day. I often wish that her brother or sister was alive, and it still pains me very much to think of what I did. My little girl saved me. Her birth turned my life around. I am an educated and moral young mother now, and I hope that my story can somehow help someone make their decision.